The Ultimate Guide to Supporting Your Child Through a Divorce

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Going through a divorce can be a real challenge and one that many couples didn’t expect to go through when they promised forever at the end of the aisle. Divorces are more common than you think though with almost 50% of all marriages in the USA alone, ending in divorce or separation.

Understanding how to process this situation in your life is hard enough but throw in kids and it ends up being a lot more complicated. It’s important to know how you can help support your child as they navigate their own journey through a parent’s divorce.

Here are a few tips on how you could support your child when you and your partner are going through a divorce right now.

Help your child to grieve

First and foremost, you need to be able to see your divorce as a form of grief. Your children might see divorce as being the first type of grief they come across, especially if they’re young but young enough to remember it happening.

When it comes to grief, it’s good to teach them that it’s a part of life and that bad things can happen in the world that can upset them and cause them to be sad. Therefore, when you’re going through a divorce, you want to try and help your child with their grief.

Speak to them about the divorce and how they can navigate through their grief with time and at a pace that’s comfortable for them. Try not to let any of your own feelings or thoughts towards the divorce, impact your own pathway with grief.

Listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings

When you’re supporting your child or children through a divorce, it’s good to be a listening ear for them. Chances are, you’ve done your own talking to someone you know and trust who has been the crutch you need when pouring out or venting your frustration.

For your child or children, your ear is the one they’ll rely on for their own thoughts and feelings. It’s important that you have a clear channel of communication between you and your child. Make sure that they are getting your attention and that you are giving them the time and opportunity regularly to speak about the divorce.

They may not be willing to discuss it right now. Perhaps they need a bit of time to their thoughts alone. Just make sure you’re there for when they’re ready to talk to you about it.

Maintain routines where possible

Routines are something that should be maintained wherever possible. When you’re a child and your parents’ divorce, it’s like pulling the ground from underneath them. Everything that they’ve ever known has crumbled without warning and that can feel utterly terrifying.

However, maintaining the norm outside of the relationship, like the everyday mundane stuff is going to help them navigate through the divorce in a much better way. They still might struggle with the thought of their parents separating but at least their life hasn’t been impacted too much in the initial stages as you go through the divorce proceedings.

Work with your partner to figure out how you can make the routines as similar as they were before the divorce. That way, you’re going to help maintain a happier dynamic as a family, even though that family might not be living in the same house anymore.

Don’t involve them in the legalities or use them to attack your other half

Sadly, one of the common things to happen in a divorce where there are children is that some children are used to attacking the other partner. For some, it’s the opportunity to try and tear down their other half by using the children to take advantage of their weaknesses.

Try not to involve them with the legalities of the divorce. When you see a divorce lawyer or speak to them over the phone, be aware of where your children are. Keeping them separate from this element of the divorce will hopefully reduce the amount of trauma and traumatic memories they have at this point in time.

Reassure your child throughout the divorce

It’s often the case that your child will be thinking about how the divorce came to be and whether it was something that they had done to contribute to it. They may be feeling as though they’ve done something wrong or on the other hand, done something better to keep you together.

The likelihood though is that it has nothing to do with the child or children – but they don’t know that. It’s therefore essential that you’re reassuring your child through the divorce. Reassuring them that they were not to blame for any of it. Making sure they know what to expect from the divorce and what the outcomes might look like.

Be flexible and accommodating to their needs

Try to be flexible and accommodating to the needs of the child because they’re going through a lot. It’s not something that will be easy enough to get over and there may be a number of issues that crop up off the back of the divorce.

Therefore, it’s a good idea to try to be as flexible and accommodating to their needs as you can be. Try to compromise where you can with your ex-partner so that the priorities remain with your children at all times.

Create a supportive network around them

A supportive network is definitely something you need when it comes to supporting a child through divorce. While you might be enough, there are plenty of other people within your circle that you might want to involve in order to help with your child.

From family members to friends, try to create a supportive network around your child or children so that they can get continuous support whether you’re always there or not.

Supporting your child through a divorce is tough but something that you’ll really want to be there for from start to finish.

*This article is based on personal suggestions and/or experiences and is for informational purposes only. This should not be used as professional advice. Please consult a professional where applicable.