Parenting in the Middle: Bridging Generations, Breaking Cycles, and Finding Hope – Why Assessment Matters

Photo Dr. Jessica Garrett

by Dr. Jessica Garrett, Ph.D., LP, NCSP

Introduction: A Journey of Understanding 

As a mother, working woman, wife, and clinical psychologist, I often find myself reflecting on the unique challenges of parenting in today’s world. I’ve seen countless parents navigate the process of getting their children evaluated for neurodivergent conditions, only to realize that many of them likely have undiagnosed mental health issues themselves. This revelation can be both enlightening and overwhelming. It’s a tough pill to swallow when you recognize that the struggles you see in your children mirror the ones you’ve faced but perhaps never fully acknowledged. It’s like looking in a funhouse mirror—distorted but familiar!

My Personal Experience: The Balancing Act

I have two kids—one is in college while the other is in elementary school. Both are unique and amazing individuals, but with their own sets of challenges. Sometimes, I find it hard not to take their behaviors personally. When they scream at soccer games because they’re overwhelmed or I let them have too much screentime because I need a break, it’s easy to feel like I’m failing as a parent. It comes naturally to me to grapple with feelings of shame, thinking, “What did I do wrong?” or (my personal favorite) “Who do you think you are to be giving anyone advice?!” But the reality is that no one has it all figured out, and it’s not my fault. Now, while the shame comes to me naturally, “talking back to it” has been (and continues to be) a process…

Changing the Narrative: Breaking Cycles of Shame

Growing up in a generation where emotional struggles were often dismissed, like many elder millennials and Gen Xers, I’ve worked diligently to provide my kids with the love and support our “go outside and stay outside until it’s dark out” sometimes lacked. Yet, I still find myself wrestling with feelings of inadequacy. I remind myself that this journey is about changing the narrative – not just for my children, but for myself. We are breaking cycles of misunderstanding and stigma, and that is no small feat. It’s like trying to untangle a bunch of holiday lights — frustrating, but worth it when you finally get it right!

Why Assessment Matters (And What It Actually Looks Like)

Recent research shows that rates of childhood mental health and neurodevelopmental assessments have more than doubled since the 1980s, and autism identification has increased more than fourfold. This is partly due to better awareness, improved screening tools, and families like ours willing to ask for help.

But what does “assessment” actually mean? It’s not a test you pass or fail—it’s a process of understanding. A psychological assessment can include interviews, questionnaires, and observations, all designed to identify a child’s strengths and challenges. For adults, it can be a way to finally get answers to questions that have lingered for years. Assessment isn’t about labeling—it’s about clarity, direction, and support. If you’re considering an assessment for yourself or your child, start by reaching out to a school psychologist, pediatrician, or mental health professional. You’re not alone and asking for help is an act of courage.

Practical Tips for Neurodiverse Families (and All Caregivers)

As we embrace this back-to-school season, here are some practical tips for neurodiverse families (and really, for anyone in the trenches of parenting or caregiving):

• Fill Your Own Cup: Self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary. Whether it’s taking time for yourself, engaging in hobbies, or simply resting, you need to recharge to be the best parent you can be. Think of it like putting on your oxygen mask first before helping your kids—because if you pass out from exhaustion, who’s going to help them with their homework?
• Drop the Shame: You didn’t cause your child’s struggles, and feeling guilty won’t help either of you. Understand that your parents did the best they could, even if it wasn’t enough for you. Embrace two truths: you can be proud of your parenting while also feeling sadness about your past. Just remember, it’s okay to laugh at the chaos – after all, if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, and nobody wants to be the mom crying in the grocery store aisle over a box of cereal!
• It’s Never Too Late: Seek assessment or treatment for yourself as an adult. Focus on what you can do now rather than dwelling on the “what ifs.” Think about how your own experiences can inform your parenting. For example, if you know what would have worked for you as a child, try to implement those strategies with your kid—like using fidgets, taking frequent breaks, or engaging in hands-on activities. And hey, if you find yourself doing a little dance to get your kid to focus, embrace it! Who says parenting can’t be entertaining?

Frontloading for Success

Another strategy I love is “frontloading”—setting the stage for a smooth transition into the new school year. This means getting organized, establishing routines, and building your own village of support. Whether it’s connecting with other parents, teachers, or professionals, creating a network can help you navigate the challenges that lie ahead. Trust me, it takes a village, and sometimes that village needs a good coffee break!

Navigating Social Situations

Navigating social situations can be particularly challenging for neurodiverse families. Choose social settings that align with your comfort levels. Smaller gatherings or activity-based meetups can be less overwhelming and more enjoyable. Have an exit plan in place for social events, allowing yourself the freedom to leave if it becomes too much. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can also be incredibly validating. You don’t have to do this alone! Plus, having a buddy system is great—after all, every superhero needs a sidekick!

Finding the Pragmagic: Making the Mundane Magical

One of my favorite concepts that I’ve coined is “pragmagic”—the art of finding magic in the practical and mundane aspects of life. Parenting can often feel like a series of chores and responsibilities, but there’s a way to sprinkle some enchantment on those tasks.

• Narrate Your Day: Turn daily routines into a storytelling adventure. Narrate your chores in a funny accent or pretend you’re hosting a cooking show while making dinner. It might make washing dishes feel like a fun game rather than a dreaded chore.
• Create Playful Challenges: Make tasks fun! For example, set a timer and see how quickly everyone can clean up the living room. You might be surprised how much laughter can come from a little competition.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Did your child finish their homework without a meltdown? Celebrate it! Create a “victory dance” to do every time you or your child accomplishes something, no matter how small. These little moments of joy can create a positive atmosphere at home.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey

As someone who has worked as a teacher, a clinical child psychologist, and (perhaps most importantly!) as a parent, I can assure you that I still don’t have all the answers. I try my best, just as my parents did. The difference is that my “best” looks different, and I can be both proud and sad about that reality.

Seeking an evaluation for your child (or even for yourself) is not a sign of failure; rather, it is an act of love and advocacy. This hard work matters. By understanding and addressing neurodiversity, we are not only helping our children but also reshaping our collective view of mental health. Let’s continue to break cycles, build bridges, and create a more supportive and understanding world for future generations. Together we can make a difference!

Resources for Families:

If you’re considering an assessment or looking for support, you’re not alone. Start with your child’s school psychologist, pediatrician, or a local mental health professional, like Birmingham Maple Clinic. For more information, organizations like CHADD (for ADHD) and Autism Speaks offer excellent resources for families just beginning this journey. 

Dr. Jessica Garrett is a clinical and school psychologist, mother, wife, and the Director of the Center for Psychological Assessment at Birmingham Maple Clinic in Troy, Michigan where she has been practicing for over 10 years. With a background that includes classroom teaching, school psychology, and university instruction, she works alongside neurodivergent individuals and families to help them navigate life’s challenges with warmth, humor, and a human touch. Dr. Garrett is often described as down-to-earth and approachable and she aims to make even the toughest conversations feel comfortable and manageable. She regularly contributes to discussions on mental health and education in the media and believes that real change happens when people feel truly seen and heard. If you’d like to connect with Dr. Garrett, please call Birmingham Maple Clinic’s main line at 248-646-6659.

Birmingham Maple Clinic is a nationally accredited, private outpatient mental health clinic located in Troy. Their team includes more than 30 clinicians, including psychologists who provide both assessments and therapy, psychiatrists, social workers, marriage and family therapists, and licensed professional counselors.